It's hard to believe that a year ago I became a grandmother right before I turn 50. It's funny how a child being born changes people's lives. I didn't think about it then and when people told me before then I would be different I didn't believe them. I don't get to spend as much time with Caleb as I would like. But I love him dearly
Sunday, May 28, 2017
Single over 50
As I approach my 52nd birthday, I have been thinking that dating is so hard these days. I soon remeber it was never easy.
In my younger days I had this list of desires for my mate. He had to be tall, blue eyes, have money and a great body. Fast forward to today. I still like a tall man but it is not a requirement. I love blue eyes. However, I have only dated three men with blue eyes. I don't need a man for his money. I can make my own. I do not have a slim frame and I do not expect him to either.
I have tried online dating off and on since my first divorce. Yes, I have been married and divorced twice. I know what you are thinking. You are thinking in your mind that I have the wall built around me and that I judge men based on those two relationships. In fact, the opposite is true. No wall and no judgement.
Yes, I do have some things that I will not tolerate. I have always had a problem with these traits. I spell them out in my online profiles. In a nice way of course. Bad table manners tops the list. I cannot tolerate someone who chews with their mouth open, smacks, wipes their mouth on their sleeve and burping. Rude behavior comes next. No matter if the rude behavior is towards, myself, friends, family. or with waitstaff. How you treat others tells how you will treat me eventually. Personal hygiene is critical. If you are not neat and clean, that is just gross. Last but not least. I have to be with someone who speaks and writes the English language well. He does not have to have a graduate degree. Common sense it a great part of that connection. If I can't talk to you then we just can't be a couple. Communication in a relationship is most important.
The dates I have had. There have been quite a few good and bad over my newest bout of single hood. The most memorable was simple. Dinner at a popular Mexican restaurant. He was funny, engaged the waitress, told her I refused to marry him, and a date we both did not want to end. So we went to the movies after and stood in the parking lot talking. This is one of my most memorable dates of recent years. One of my worst. The man came to the date in a wife beater, shorts, and flip flops. We met at a place close to my house. He luckily had an extra shirt. We sat at the bar. My choice of course. I felt it was going strange and was trying not to judge. After we finished eating and I mean immediately after. He paid for his. I did not expect him to pay for mine but it would have been nice if he offered. The straw that ended it for me was him not tipping. Servers and waitstaff are paid $2.65 or something like that an hour. They rely on tips to make money. He saw my tip and said I over tipped. I was taken aback. Who was he to tell me what to tip? He left immediately after paying. I knew that was the end of him in my life. My most meaningful relationship from online dating lasted three years. Distance killed that relationship. He lives over 200 miles away from me. It worked for so long because we really worked at the relationship. He would come here or I would go there. Our jobs eventually made that hard to do. Thus ended the story of us.
So what happened to the perfect date? We talk off and on but I scare him. I scare him because of my ambition, his past, how we have both felt since the beginning, and what he thinks I want in a man. We actually talked about this last night. A few people have seen us together and see what we both feel. I even met the parents. So we have not moved past this point.
I still go on dates. I have to keep my options open when they come. I pray about it and invite that person into my life. If I don't try I will not know. My whole world does not revolve around dating. I actually have had fun just going out with my friends. Who knows maybe I will find him out there somewhere. For now I am content with who I am. I am content to take my time. I know he is out there. Maybe I have met him already. Maybe I have not. Only time will tell. Hope is not lost.
In my younger days I had this list of desires for my mate. He had to be tall, blue eyes, have money and a great body. Fast forward to today. I still like a tall man but it is not a requirement. I love blue eyes. However, I have only dated three men with blue eyes. I don't need a man for his money. I can make my own. I do not have a slim frame and I do not expect him to either.
I have tried online dating off and on since my first divorce. Yes, I have been married and divorced twice. I know what you are thinking. You are thinking in your mind that I have the wall built around me and that I judge men based on those two relationships. In fact, the opposite is true. No wall and no judgement.
Yes, I do have some things that I will not tolerate. I have always had a problem with these traits. I spell them out in my online profiles. In a nice way of course. Bad table manners tops the list. I cannot tolerate someone who chews with their mouth open, smacks, wipes their mouth on their sleeve and burping. Rude behavior comes next. No matter if the rude behavior is towards, myself, friends, family. or with waitstaff. How you treat others tells how you will treat me eventually. Personal hygiene is critical. If you are not neat and clean, that is just gross. Last but not least. I have to be with someone who speaks and writes the English language well. He does not have to have a graduate degree. Common sense it a great part of that connection. If I can't talk to you then we just can't be a couple. Communication in a relationship is most important.
The dates I have had. There have been quite a few good and bad over my newest bout of single hood. The most memorable was simple. Dinner at a popular Mexican restaurant. He was funny, engaged the waitress, told her I refused to marry him, and a date we both did not want to end. So we went to the movies after and stood in the parking lot talking. This is one of my most memorable dates of recent years. One of my worst. The man came to the date in a wife beater, shorts, and flip flops. We met at a place close to my house. He luckily had an extra shirt. We sat at the bar. My choice of course. I felt it was going strange and was trying not to judge. After we finished eating and I mean immediately after. He paid for his. I did not expect him to pay for mine but it would have been nice if he offered. The straw that ended it for me was him not tipping. Servers and waitstaff are paid $2.65 or something like that an hour. They rely on tips to make money. He saw my tip and said I over tipped. I was taken aback. Who was he to tell me what to tip? He left immediately after paying. I knew that was the end of him in my life. My most meaningful relationship from online dating lasted three years. Distance killed that relationship. He lives over 200 miles away from me. It worked for so long because we really worked at the relationship. He would come here or I would go there. Our jobs eventually made that hard to do. Thus ended the story of us.
So what happened to the perfect date? We talk off and on but I scare him. I scare him because of my ambition, his past, how we have both felt since the beginning, and what he thinks I want in a man. We actually talked about this last night. A few people have seen us together and see what we both feel. I even met the parents. So we have not moved past this point.
I still go on dates. I have to keep my options open when they come. I pray about it and invite that person into my life. If I don't try I will not know. My whole world does not revolve around dating. I actually have had fun just going out with my friends. Who knows maybe I will find him out there somewhere. For now I am content with who I am. I am content to take my time. I know he is out there. Maybe I have met him already. Maybe I have not. Only time will tell. Hope is not lost.
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