Today we celebrated the homegoing of Uncle Herbert.
I have been regretting today since I heard that he was leaving hospice and going home. I asked myself why over and over. Today my answer came clear as I looked into the casket. Laying there was a stranger. I do not mean that in a derogatory way. But the shell of the man I knew as Uncle Herbie lay there so still. I really wanted to remember him smiling, laughing and telling stories. I did not recognize his face because I had been too busy "living my life" to go see him. My cousin (who I grew up thinking was my Uncle Earl) said it best "still waters run deep". The memories of him will run deep in my mind.
As the still water of Uncle Herbert's life ran deep in the family and friendships so is it our duty to pass on to younger generations the memories of our life with him and Aunt Ruth. Uncle Herbert will always be remembered as a kind soul. He was a free spirit. Willing to think outside the box. I remember that he and Aunt Ruth always had us spend the night when we were in Houston for the summer. They never had their own kids. We all were their kids so they spoiled us when we were there.
I entered their home on the day that he went up to heaven, Instantly memories of the past came floating back. They had taken his body away before I got there. As I walked in a picture hung in the same spot it had the first time I remember going to their home. Sure some of the furniture was different. Nevertheless, the place looked the same as it had all those years ago. The still water of his memory will run deep in my heart. I carry those memories with me and hope to
The truth is I hate death. Actually. I hate watching the life leave the body of a loved one. I did this with my grandmother and did not realize until now how much that affected my soul.
Tuesday, December 22, 2015
Sunday, May 24, 2015
Have you ever just sat back and thought of all the small miracles that brought you to this point of your life?
I wrote this several years ago but it is still true.
Have you ever just sat back and thought of all the small miracles that brought you to this point of your life. Two days ago while in a meeting I began to think of just that very subject. Later on that same evening I kept thinking of how the people that I have encountered in my life have made me who I am now. No matter how good or bad the experiences each person we meet has played a part in our creation. We all are so busy existing but not really living. We lead this fast paced life and seldom look up to see the beauty of it all. The small miracles that we have encountered along the way. So I decided to share my story with people that I meet in order to testify to these miracles.
About eight years ago I met a wonderful man who at the time was heaven sent. He was not what I thought of as my match but he fit. After meeting his daughter and getting her approval we had a brief courtship. At this time I did not know but I was about to lose my grandmother, who had been around most of my life. She was a very strong woman who had endured and survived the best and worst of times. She was dying of cancer and after a terrible bought with cancer she died before her 74th birthday. After this one day my beau and I decided to get married on a whim. I had already moved in with him and his daughter. We got married in August not too long after my birthday and soon after we had our first major upheaval. His daughter had a friend living with us, this already dysfunctional relationship was strained with another teen. His daughter was drinking and drugging heavily. We were both working long hours and I was commuting to the other side of town. We tried to get past all this by doing things when we did have time. Not too long after I was promoted and given a salaried position. Within days of my promotion I became ill.
The doctors diagnosed me with a brain aneurysm. I was told on the phone after I was released from the hospital after being admitted 2 weeks prior. I was out on sick leave for 5 months while doctor after doctor tested me to see what could be wrong. Two of the elders visited me at the hospital on my 3rd stay and prayed over me for a solution. An episode of House it was not. There was no solution in an hour. Members of our church and my family got us through this hard time. At the end of the 5 months after meds, some days barely walking and losing 90 lbs, I found a neurologist who had a solution to my health crisis. My problem was simple after the aneurysm vanished off of the MRI scans, I had complex migraines. Now with the aneurysm out of the picture, I could begin a program to diminish the migraines. I remained on this treatment till 2 months ago.
However through all the medical issues and family struggles he decided to end our marriage of 7 years. He had seen through several promotions, illness, ex issues and issues with my children who didn't approve of my divorce and remarriage. But now were happy that I was getting a divorce. Not understanding that I would be alone again.
A few months after the divorce I was diagnosed with another condition, fibromyalgia for which there is no cure. More meds and days of extreme pain, but also a man who believed in God. He prayed with me and for me that I would find a solution to my circumstances that would allow me to live. I could hardly work or do anything. I worked in retail and it was the height of the season. I spent more time at the doctor or emergency clinic trying to manage the pain and stress from the divorce and work. Three months ago after fourteen years of working for my company, I came home in the middle of the afternoon, upset with the people I worked with for their lack of maturity and constant bickering. I decided to apply for anything closer to home that would relieve some of the stress. The new doctor told me the week prior that I needed to lessen my stress even if that meant taking a job out of my field. I applied for a receptionist position at a spa. It was close to home and not so much on the feet. I was interviewed the next day. Right before the interview I sat in my car and prayed that this would be my solution. I had a good feeling. Little did I know the woman who was to interview me was on the phone with a friend praying for a similar solution. I commented on the positive vibe that I got from the spa. How relaxing I felt the minute that I walked in and sat down. The very next day the owner of the spa interviewed me. As we walked into one of the rooms I noticed that she had a bible with her. As we talked and laughed I began to feel the weight go away. A few days later after a background check I was hired. As I work there I see the power of human touch, kindness and most of all God. I have begun to change my life in many ways. Taking time for me to be with nature and to nurture myself.
I told this story to the Assistant Clinic Administrator a few days ago after a class on sales techniques. As I shared this with her I could see the beauty of my testimony in her eyes and her tears. I intend on sharing this with the Clinic Administrator as well as the owner of the clinic. There is much more to this story, more people and small but significant acts of kindness and love. They know their role in my life and I in theirs.
The miracles that we ignore on a day to day basis as we look down not up hold us back in so many ways. Its when we look up that we can see the beauty and the majesty of life and God's miracles. I have just begun to open my eyes and I challenge others to do the same. No matter who you are or where you are in life miracles are occurring just open your heart and eyes.
Have you ever just sat back and thought of all the small miracles that brought you to this point of your life. Two days ago while in a meeting I began to think of just that very subject. Later on that same evening I kept thinking of how the people that I have encountered in my life have made me who I am now. No matter how good or bad the experiences each person we meet has played a part in our creation. We all are so busy existing but not really living. We lead this fast paced life and seldom look up to see the beauty of it all. The small miracles that we have encountered along the way. So I decided to share my story with people that I meet in order to testify to these miracles.
About eight years ago I met a wonderful man who at the time was heaven sent. He was not what I thought of as my match but he fit. After meeting his daughter and getting her approval we had a brief courtship. At this time I did not know but I was about to lose my grandmother, who had been around most of my life. She was a very strong woman who had endured and survived the best and worst of times. She was dying of cancer and after a terrible bought with cancer she died before her 74th birthday. After this one day my beau and I decided to get married on a whim. I had already moved in with him and his daughter. We got married in August not too long after my birthday and soon after we had our first major upheaval. His daughter had a friend living with us, this already dysfunctional relationship was strained with another teen. His daughter was drinking and drugging heavily. We were both working long hours and I was commuting to the other side of town. We tried to get past all this by doing things when we did have time. Not too long after I was promoted and given a salaried position. Within days of my promotion I became ill.
The doctors diagnosed me with a brain aneurysm. I was told on the phone after I was released from the hospital after being admitted 2 weeks prior. I was out on sick leave for 5 months while doctor after doctor tested me to see what could be wrong. Two of the elders visited me at the hospital on my 3rd stay and prayed over me for a solution. An episode of House it was not. There was no solution in an hour. Members of our church and my family got us through this hard time. At the end of the 5 months after meds, some days barely walking and losing 90 lbs, I found a neurologist who had a solution to my health crisis. My problem was simple after the aneurysm vanished off of the MRI scans, I had complex migraines. Now with the aneurysm out of the picture, I could begin a program to diminish the migraines. I remained on this treatment till 2 months ago.
However through all the medical issues and family struggles he decided to end our marriage of 7 years. He had seen through several promotions, illness, ex issues and issues with my children who didn't approve of my divorce and remarriage. But now were happy that I was getting a divorce. Not understanding that I would be alone again.
A few months after the divorce I was diagnosed with another condition, fibromyalgia for which there is no cure. More meds and days of extreme pain, but also a man who believed in God. He prayed with me and for me that I would find a solution to my circumstances that would allow me to live. I could hardly work or do anything. I worked in retail and it was the height of the season. I spent more time at the doctor or emergency clinic trying to manage the pain and stress from the divorce and work. Three months ago after fourteen years of working for my company, I came home in the middle of the afternoon, upset with the people I worked with for their lack of maturity and constant bickering. I decided to apply for anything closer to home that would relieve some of the stress. The new doctor told me the week prior that I needed to lessen my stress even if that meant taking a job out of my field. I applied for a receptionist position at a spa. It was close to home and not so much on the feet. I was interviewed the next day. Right before the interview I sat in my car and prayed that this would be my solution. I had a good feeling. Little did I know the woman who was to interview me was on the phone with a friend praying for a similar solution. I commented on the positive vibe that I got from the spa. How relaxing I felt the minute that I walked in and sat down. The very next day the owner of the spa interviewed me. As we walked into one of the rooms I noticed that she had a bible with her. As we talked and laughed I began to feel the weight go away. A few days later after a background check I was hired. As I work there I see the power of human touch, kindness and most of all God. I have begun to change my life in many ways. Taking time for me to be with nature and to nurture myself.
I told this story to the Assistant Clinic Administrator a few days ago after a class on sales techniques. As I shared this with her I could see the beauty of my testimony in her eyes and her tears. I intend on sharing this with the Clinic Administrator as well as the owner of the clinic. There is much more to this story, more people and small but significant acts of kindness and love. They know their role in my life and I in theirs.
The miracles that we ignore on a day to day basis as we look down not up hold us back in so many ways. Its when we look up that we can see the beauty and the majesty of life and God's miracles. I have just begun to open my eyes and I challenge others to do the same. No matter who you are or where you are in life miracles are occurring just open your heart and eyes.
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Questions to stop asking yourself
1. "What's wrong with me?"
I have been guilty of asking myself this very question. In my past through abuse, rape, a dominate spouse, divorces and poor relationships with family I assumed it was me that was the problem. Yes, I had things to work on about my personality. Yes, I still am working on me. However, I was not the issue. If someone did not like me it was their issue. I look back to high school. My senior year I was told that I was too ugly to be in cosmetology class. I carried this with me for years. I never believed that I was pretty. As I got older, I did not care what people thought of me I still don't. After theraphy, countless self help books and sharing my experience I no longerr ask this question.
2. "What's going to happen?"
On occasion I am still guilty of this one. However, when that question comes into my mind I simply say "Jesus take the wheel. I am yours to do as you will." None of us know what is going to happen. I try to see myself in a positive situation. At this moment I have left working for someone else and am working for myself. I keep seeing myself with clients. I see myself building my business. I see myself with family and friends happy. I see myself traveling. I try to remain positive and when faced with negative I take a deep breath and try to see a positive way out. Worrying about it will get you nowhere.
3. "How will I ever get out of this?"
No matter if it is a bad relationship or job, there is always a way out. Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith. Other times you have to be an active participant. It is dependant on the seriousness of the situation. Thinking through situations is the best defense against putting yourself in bad events. Asking for help is the second. You may have to swallow your pride but you will get out.
4. "Where will the money come from?"
This has/was my question in the last week. Monday the 11th was my last day working for someone else. I am working for myself now and responsible for everything. I spent my first day at the salon on Wednesday. I spoke to one client that was interested in a facial. I did not have clients but worked on my rack cards and database. I was scared and nervous. I have limited bills but need money to pay them and my rent for my suite. I also start class June 1 and will need a book and tuition. I prayed. I went to the campus Thursday and talked to financial aid and had my entire semester paid for with grants. Friday I had two clients scheduled. First client was a no call no show. I felt defeted. I started praying. My friend was there so I asked him if he wanted a facial. I had been wanting to practice perfecting a treatment and was able to try it out on him. I felt better. I did not intend on charging him but he paid anyway. My second client came in and love the facial. I was back on track. I keep looking at my bank account and had paid for a class to enhance my business. I kept thinking OMG this money could carry me for a month. But I paid for the class instead and kept praying. Today I have had 3 people book for the service (that I took the class for) and have 2 others waiting. I am still praying.
I have been guilty of asking myself this very question. In my past through abuse, rape, a dominate spouse, divorces and poor relationships with family I assumed it was me that was the problem. Yes, I had things to work on about my personality. Yes, I still am working on me. However, I was not the issue. If someone did not like me it was their issue. I look back to high school. My senior year I was told that I was too ugly to be in cosmetology class. I carried this with me for years. I never believed that I was pretty. As I got older, I did not care what people thought of me I still don't. After theraphy, countless self help books and sharing my experience I no longerr ask this question.
2. "What's going to happen?"
On occasion I am still guilty of this one. However, when that question comes into my mind I simply say "Jesus take the wheel. I am yours to do as you will." None of us know what is going to happen. I try to see myself in a positive situation. At this moment I have left working for someone else and am working for myself. I keep seeing myself with clients. I see myself building my business. I see myself with family and friends happy. I see myself traveling. I try to remain positive and when faced with negative I take a deep breath and try to see a positive way out. Worrying about it will get you nowhere.
3. "How will I ever get out of this?"
No matter if it is a bad relationship or job, there is always a way out. Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith. Other times you have to be an active participant. It is dependant on the seriousness of the situation. Thinking through situations is the best defense against putting yourself in bad events. Asking for help is the second. You may have to swallow your pride but you will get out.
4. "Where will the money come from?"
This has/was my question in the last week. Monday the 11th was my last day working for someone else. I am working for myself now and responsible for everything. I spent my first day at the salon on Wednesday. I spoke to one client that was interested in a facial. I did not have clients but worked on my rack cards and database. I was scared and nervous. I have limited bills but need money to pay them and my rent for my suite. I also start class June 1 and will need a book and tuition. I prayed. I went to the campus Thursday and talked to financial aid and had my entire semester paid for with grants. Friday I had two clients scheduled. First client was a no call no show. I felt defeted. I started praying. My friend was there so I asked him if he wanted a facial. I had been wanting to practice perfecting a treatment and was able to try it out on him. I felt better. I did not intend on charging him but he paid anyway. My second client came in and love the facial. I was back on track. I keep looking at my bank account and had paid for a class to enhance my business. I kept thinking OMG this money could carry me for a month. But I paid for the class instead and kept praying. Today I have had 3 people book for the service (that I took the class for) and have 2 others waiting. I am still praying.
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
I learned on my walk this morning.
Let me go back to yesterday evening in class. The entire class was burnt out. Our instructor had attended a workshop on work, life balance and relayed this information to our class. As we did the worksheets, what I already knew became apparent. I have neglected my body, friends, family, writing and rest. The worst part however, was my health. I vowed yesterday to walk 20 minutes five days a week. Today was to be day one again.
It was 7:20 when I woke up before the alarm. I turned it off and before long I was back asleep. I kept waking and falling asleep. I finally got up at 9:30. I brushed my teeth and got dressed to walk. I didn't even style my hair. I just put on a baseball cap and went to the arboretum. One of my issues in putting walking or exercise off is that I normally had to drive somewhere to workout. Today as I drove to the arboretum I kept focusing on the memory of the flowers. In the past I have also been able to see rabbits, turtles and once a deer. Early in the morning they are roaming the back of the arboretum.
As I drove up, there were a few cars already parked. I was disappointed. I love going there early because it is quiet. As I walked through I became lost in the beauty of the flowers, the sound of running water and the smells. I made it back to the fountain. No one was there. I had been thanking God for getting me up today. In front of my eyes as I sat was a turtle peeking at me. I sat and took a few pictures with my phone of the turtles and the water. God was sending me a message to get out and enjoy the beauty of the day. Even though this morning was not sunny, I found beauty in what he was showing me.
I decided to walk in the back half of the arboretum. I have not been back there in years. I took the path that appeared to be open. I was concentrating on my steps. The last time I was back that deep in the woods I had encountered two poisonous snakes. I was forgetting however to look for landmarks. I was back there for almost an hour when I realized I had been walking in circles and the paths were vanishing. I was about to panic. Instead I thanked God for taking me off the beaten path. Almost as an answer, a baby rabbit appeared in front of me. I walked a little more thinking of landmarks. I began thinking of my girl scout days as a larger rabbit stopped in front of me. I soon was back by the fountain. As I walked back to my car, I thanked God for the beauty of nature, for helping me to get back but most of all for life. He answered me again when a turtle crossed my path. The turtle turned back to look at me as if he were saying "look at the wonders not the irritation."
Yes, I was originally irritated by people. However the lesson is in life and simple beauty. God is good.
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
"If you met your exact self as another person, would you like them?
"If you met your exact self as another person, would you like them? Would they be a good friend? Would they seem kind, generous and loving? Would they have time and patience, and invest in your friendship? Would you feel good in their presence? Would they make you laugh? Would you truly want to spend time with them? Would they be a good influence? Remember, no one on earth spends more time with you, than — you. Be a good friend to yourself. The best way to be a good friend to yourself is to be a good person. Be the kind of person you wish you had in your life, because who you are, is exactly who you've got."
— Bryant McGill
I read this today and immediately thought about how much I have changed in the past twenty years for the better. I am a good friend and becoming a better one each day.
Almost twenty-one years ago I moved back to Houston from Germany. It was the second time living in the states as an adult. My first time was only a few months when I found out I was pregnant with my second child which made me return to Germany.
Now I had three children had been married for several years and was looking for a new home. Fast forward a little over 20 years. My children are grown up, I divorced and re-married and divorced again. Why do I bring all the past up? Simply put I would not have liked the person I was then. However, the person I am today is different. I have grown up in so many ways. I have learned so much about who I am as an individual. This has made me a better person to befriend. Now do not get carried away. I have very few true friends. I have learned that the number is not important it is the quality of the individual. I can honestly say I really only have five friends. We do not always see each other, mainly my fault because I work, work for myself and go to school.
To be a good friend however, you must take time to be with those people you care about. I did not back then. I worked and did things for the kids. At the time I could not see that time was my most valuable contribution. A few days ago after my return from Dallas, I got to spend time with one of my very best friends and his daughter. We had a few drinks over dinner and got to talk. Starting the new year like this was perfect.
This all aside I think the best thing I have done to become a better friend is become a better me. Yes, I read self help, business, relationship and discovery books. I am expanding my horizons in education. I am learning to love my alone time. I create projects that help to calm me. I meditate. By the grace of god I get more sleep. ( Most of the time) I plan trips. Have museum memberships to just go and absorb art and culture. I take time to sleep in when I can. The recharge is most important in my day. No, I am not perfect but I know that all the growth takes time, a willingness to get up and dust myself off and constant work.
— Bryant McGill
I read this today and immediately thought about how much I have changed in the past twenty years for the better. I am a good friend and becoming a better one each day.
Almost twenty-one years ago I moved back to Houston from Germany. It was the second time living in the states as an adult. My first time was only a few months when I found out I was pregnant with my second child which made me return to Germany.
Now I had three children had been married for several years and was looking for a new home. Fast forward a little over 20 years. My children are grown up, I divorced and re-married and divorced again. Why do I bring all the past up? Simply put I would not have liked the person I was then. However, the person I am today is different. I have grown up in so many ways. I have learned so much about who I am as an individual. This has made me a better person to befriend. Now do not get carried away. I have very few true friends. I have learned that the number is not important it is the quality of the individual. I can honestly say I really only have five friends. We do not always see each other, mainly my fault because I work, work for myself and go to school.
To be a good friend however, you must take time to be with those people you care about. I did not back then. I worked and did things for the kids. At the time I could not see that time was my most valuable contribution. A few days ago after my return from Dallas, I got to spend time with one of my very best friends and his daughter. We had a few drinks over dinner and got to talk. Starting the new year like this was perfect.
This all aside I think the best thing I have done to become a better friend is become a better me. Yes, I read self help, business, relationship and discovery books. I am expanding my horizons in education. I am learning to love my alone time. I create projects that help to calm me. I meditate. By the grace of god I get more sleep. ( Most of the time) I plan trips. Have museum memberships to just go and absorb art and culture. I take time to sleep in when I can. The recharge is most important in my day. No, I am not perfect but I know that all the growth takes time, a willingness to get up and dust myself off and constant work.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)